Mucus Plug Academy: 33 weeks

We recently spent the weekend at an intensive 14 hour course at the hospital. Most people take the course over a 7 week period but we decided to cram it all in in one weekend at the hospital.

Most of the couples who were in the course were about a month to eight weeks away. The participant mothers had that "glow" and the inverted hand behind the back for support and accompanying changing centre of gravity type gait. The expectant fathers all gave each other the nod of appreciation that you would witness before participating in battle or a football game. We all knew there were videos and discussion coming on subjects and occurences that previously we could control by turning the page of the birth book or simply by not trying too hard to understand. By the end of the course, we definitely understood.

We watched five births on video. I went to school before the internet age so one of my first exposure to vaginas was in a video similar to these ones. We were riveted back then. [Incidentally, I also looked at the bra section of the Consumer's Distributing catalogue and scoured National Geographics for a glimpse of nipple. Punching in the word "breast" or "sex" into a computer and instantly getting one hundred million different possible images was right beside breathing under water and making out with Farah Fawcett in hopeful inconceivabilities. But I digress...] The thing that struck me during the video viewing this time around was the sheer pain and exhaustion of the soon to be mothers. It means so much more when you come to the realization that your lover/partner is about to experience this in a short amount of time and you are: 1. Partially responsible 2. Unable to do anything about it and 3. About to witness it first hand.

Back in the classroom, nurse after nurse educated us with all the things that could and have gone wrong during labour, delivery and after. Post-partum depression, 70 hour labour, Frank's breech, detached placentae, episiotomies, fetal stress, emergency C-sections, forseps and cords wrapped around arms and necks. The nurse tried to placate us with, "But we only see that once in while," or, "But we don't see that too often." Thanks. What a relief. We were all now part of some macabre prenatal lottery.

One nurse gave us a story and it went something like this:
So I went in for a routine check on the dilation of the cervix and as soon as I inserted my fingers, I felt it immediately. "Prolapsed cord!" I shouted to the station as I struggled with my left hand to reach the emergency chain. I crawled onto the gurney and repositioned myself because I had keep my fingers in there to prevent the baby's head from engaging furthur and pinching the cord. As I straddled her and they wheeled us down to the OR for the emergency C-section... But we only get a couple of those a year...

Don't get me wrong; I am glad to be more educated about this than my grandfather and father. As appealing as it sounds, I don't think the bar or the waiting room is a better place to be as this is taking place, but as I learn more, I seem to feel more and more helpless.